Would You Like Fries With That Poodle?

Yours truly presenting his balloon lecture
at a children's entertainer convention.

How to twist up to 100 balloons per hour and nobody waits in line.

For some reason many balloon twisters get defensive when they read this article I wrote. They spend more energy figuring out why it won't work instead of actually giving it a try. Odd.

Imagine you've been booked to entertain hundreds of families, mostly children, and you decide that the entire group must wait in line while you amaze and amuse them ONE AT A TIME! Sounds absurd? It is, but that's exactly what the vast majority of balloon twisters do at every gig.

Nobody likes waiting in line, especially parents with children eager to get a balloon. Waiting makes people edgy, irritable and generally unpleasant. So why do balloon twisters force their audience to stand in a line? I suppose because everybody else does it that way. I think it's mainly because balloon twisters don't see what they do as entertainment. They think of themselves as balloon factories, no more than  a refreshment booth at a festival or a fast food restaurant... you want fries with that poodle? For them, the emphasis is on the balloon not the entertainment factor.

Years ago I got a great gig... twisting balloons in the food court of a large mall every Saturday and Sunday, about 5 hours each day. I averaged about 70-100 balloons per hour, or 700-1000 balloons each weekend. It was hard work, but incredibly fun! I was paid directly by the mall, and they even covered the cost of the balloons. This gig lasted about 3 years. Here's what happened...

The very first day, the very first child to approach me wanted a hat, so I made an extravagant colorful multi-balloon hat. The kid loved it, but I quickly learned it was a HUGE MISTAKE!! Once any child in the mall saw that hat, they wanted one just like it. It was a multiple balloon sculpting nightmare of epic proportions! By the end of that first day I had gone thru 7 bags of balloons (back when there was 144 per bag) and made a lot of people angry about waiting in line. I knew this was not going to go over well for long, and I wanted this gig to last a while. So I "thought out of the box" and came up with this solution.

First, of course, I was using a pump. A T.Myers upright type of pump. There are others on the market, ask around and I'm sure you'll find one that's just perfect for you. This would not have been possible without that pump. The stress of blowing up that many balloons by mouth would have been more than my body could have handled. That pump was a lifesaver, in more ways than one!

I would never use one of those cheap plastic hand pumps. They look cheap because they are cheap, and they look amateurish.

My setup is simple. I have the pump in front of me, and a small folding table to my right. On top of the table I have a small case, opened with the contents towards the audience. In the case are hundreds of balloons (uninflated of course). Mixed within the balloons are a bunch of my cards.

If I'm doing a "pay-per-balloon" gig, I have a sign in the lid of the case with the price, such as $1/balloon. Next to that is my hat where people can put the money. I "seed" the hat at the start of the gig by placing a few bills inside. This setup will vary depending on the venue, type of event, etc. For instance, if I'm getting paid by the event organizers directly, obviously I won't put a sign out stating the price of the balloons or a tip hat.

Second, I decided that every sculpture made had to be one balloon only. This was a very important decision, and it enabled me to fully understand how to make balloon sculpting really work as a form of entertainment. If the gig is smaller, such as a company picnic with a limited number of children or a smaller festival, I use more balloons per sculpture. More on that later.

Third, I GOT RID OF THE LINE. This was the biggest change from what I had been doing. Once I realized the absurdity of entertaining my audience one at a time, everything fell into place. Here's the main technique.

When the crowd gathers faster than I can keep up with, I begin an assembly line type of system. As each child comes up, I tell them to reach in that case and pick out their favorite color of balloon (2 if conditions permit). Then I have them stand in a semi circle around me. Don't bother trying to keep track of who's next, with this system it doesn't matter. Ask for a balloon from a child, inflate it, then hand it back while telling them to "Stick around, I'm not done yet". All the time I'm inflating and handing out balloons to the children, I'm also explaining all the neat things I'll make for them... "animals, hats flowers, swords, tomahawks, airplanes, hearts", as well as cracking jokes, doing silly clown shtick, a little hat juggling, anything funny that comes to mind. Once about 20-30 kids have a balloon in their hand, I ask each child what figure they want, twist their balloon (FAST) again accompanied by silly antics, give it back to them (along with a fun smile) and go on to the next child.

This system works so well that I've used it at every balloon gig I've done during the numerous years since. Many parents come up to me expressing their appreciation that I did not make them wait in line. The children are having fun and participating from the moment they come up to me, the parents get a chance to relax for a bit and enjoy the show, the mall (or festival) is happy because the shoppers can spend more time shopping and less time waiting in line, plus my balloon entertainment is a big reason parents brought their kids to that mall in the first place. It's a win-win for everybody involved!

One objection I've encountered has been... what if you've fully blown up a balloon, handed it to the child, but they want a sculpture that requires it be blown up just a little, such as a small mouse? Simple... don't mention that you do any items which require a different sized balloon. If they ask for something that was not on your list, say you don't know how to make it. Remember, they are not there to marvel at your balloon sculpting skills. To be blunt, the kids don't care if you can do a poodle riding a unicycle while juggling 3 cans of tuna. They want a dog or a bunny or a sword. KEEP IT SIMPLE!

With this technique, the children are first drawn to you by the balloons, then entertained for a few minutes, giggling and laughing and then, oh by the way here's a balloon before you go. Leave your ego at the door, and make simple one balloon creations. They won't miss the complicated stuff, I guarantee it.

My experience has been that the maximum wait time for the audience members is around 10 minutes. Occasionally you'll get an irate parent who still complains about the wait or that their child was next in line. As I'm explaining that I gave up trying to keep track of who's next, I immediately twist their child's balloon and get them out of there. Who wants a person like that hanging around? One of the nice features about this no-line technique is that you are able to instantly deal with these situations. If they were waiting in line, they would have more time to get even angrier, so by the time it's their turn it's a much uglier situation.

Keep in mind, however, that if there are only one or two kids around, and one of them wants something requiring a specific length of balloon, by all means go ahead and make it. During periods like this you can spare the little extra time it takes. But don't be tempted to make multiple balloon creations... you'll regret it later when the crowd gets huge, believe me! In the rare situation where somebody is really insistent on a multiple balloon figure, and the situation allows it, I make sure to keep all the balloons the same color. That way, people who see it later won't know it was made from more than 1 balloon.

If I'm in a venue where two or more balloons per kid works, here's what I do. I still describe the same items I can make. As I twist the balloon, for example a dog, I ask if they would like the dog on a hat or a leash. Simple. A hat, they simply wear it. If a leash, I put a loop in the end so they can insert their wrist. This way, the child is more likely to wear the balloon around instead of giving it to the parent after 10 minutes. For swords, I don't wrap a balloon around their waist to act as a sword holder. Have you ever worn a balloon wrapped around your waist for any length of time? It's very uncomfortable. Instead, I make a simple balloon hat. Wrap the balloon around the kids head, twist, and the excess is twisted back to form a smaller loop. This is where the sword goes. So the child wears the balloons on their head like a hat. How do I convince the child this is what they want? When the sword is taken out, the hat can then be held in the other hand and used as a shield. A quick demonstration is all it takes. I will sometimes explain that if it's wrapped around their waist, it's more likely to pop when you take it off. All it takes is one child to have a shield and a sword, then everybody wants it that way.

I hope this enables you to really enjoy doing balloon gigs... now you can entertain while twisting!